Zien: de doodeerlijke (én grappige) foto’s van een papa met vier dochters

Het internet wordt overspoeld met perfecte plaatjes van gezinnetjes. Gelukkig zijn er ook nog eerlijke mama’s en papa’s die tonen hoe het leven in een gezin écht is. Simon is er daar eentje van. Met zijn Instagramaccount ‘Father of Daughters’ werpt hij een hilarische blik op het leven van een papa met vier dochters. En dat het niet altijd makkelijk is in een huis vol vrouwelijk geweld, dat is meteen duidelijk.

Simon en zijn partner Clemmie hebben samen vier dochters, een tien maanden oude tweeling, een zesjarige én een negenjarige. Deze papa moet z’n mannetje staan in een huis vol dames. En daar gaat hij heel eerlijk – en grappig! – mee om. Op z’n Instagrampagina post hij regelmatig foto’s van het dagdagelijkse leven in het gezin. Vooral z’n doodeerlijke captions zijn vaak hilarisch!

Vragen beantwoorden over de biologieles…

This week my eldest has been doing sex education at school. Shes very mature about it & having a midwife as a mum, they know a lot more than your average kid, no ‘front bottoms’ or ‘nunnys’ in this house, it’s strictly a ‘vagina’ affair (which coincidently would be a great title for a drama series on TV) That said, she’s chosen tonight (when @mother_of_daughters is away) to ask questions about men which makes me feel like an embarrassed child, but i promised to tell her the truth. My personal favourites – “do you wear a condom daddy?” Me – “Yes”. Then why do you have so many children? Touchè. “Have you and mummy had sex more than 3 times?” I laughed proudly – “Way more……like at least 9 or 10 times” ( I didn’t want to come across as a sex crazied maniac). Can wait to until she asks if I’ve ever masturbated…..I will actually curl up in a ball and die #sexeducation #shestheadultimthechild #sheknowsmorethanme #dontaskaboutmasturbationorilldie #ivedoneitloads #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife #parenting

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Nov 10, 2016 at 1:02pm PST

Als mama je niet vertrouwt met het samenstellen van outfits en ze zelf klaarlegt …

Should I get offended that when I’m in charge of dressing the girls, instead of being given free rein to ‘get creative’ and use my couture fashion eye to create a ‘wow’ outfit that will catch the eye and imagination, I walk into their room and find that all the clothes are laid out already. Granted I have a tendency to dress them as boys, and will invariably forget the importance of layers, and that spots and strips clash, and that socks are essential, and that a baby grow doesn’t count as day wear, and that I dress them the same, i cant tell them apart for the rest if the day, but surely if you give me a chance, the law of averages will mean I’ll get it right one day! #daddressing #twins #dontdressthemthesame #theylovechewingshoes #icandressachild #badly #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Nov 3, 2016 at 2:18pm PDT

Gezellig in de zetel vechten om de afstandsbediening …

why is it that as soon as I come through the front door, I’m immediately forced to strap on my ‘parenting UN’ flack jacket & hard hat and dive into conflict resolution mode? Anya and Marnie are locked in a long, drawn out battle over the disputed lands of the sofa, the sovereignty of the blanket and who has rightful ownership of the much sort after SKY remote control. Sanctions are put in place to relieve the tension but both sides are showing little willingness to back down. The situation escalates – heated worded, threats to hostages safety (soft toys, clothing, sweets). The result – the TV going off and remote is hidden (in the cutlery draw). During all this Ottie played the role of Switzerland and didn’t get involved. Ban Ki-moon could learn a thing or two from me. #wheredoyouhideyourremote #UNparenting #whyamialwaysinthemiddle #familyconflictresolution #adadsworkisneverdone #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 20, 2016 at 12:42pm PDT

Wilde vrijdagavonden met kids: niet uitgaan met je vrienden, maar wel luizen uit het haar van je dochter kammen.

There used to be a time when Fridays nights meant going out drinking with friends and waking up with a hangover that that would require surgery to remove. However Marnie came home today with the dreaded bi-annual “There are nits / lice going around at school” letter, so our Friday nights are now spent carrying out small scale genocide on colonies of unwanted scalp intruders. @mother_of_daughters & I will now spend the rest of the evening quietly observing each other to see which one of us start scratching our heads first whilst mentally cursing all children everywhere. Awesome. #betteryoustartscratchingafterreadingthis #fridaynightarentwhattheyusedtobe #parenting #keepingitreal #nits #dotheyevenhaveapurpose #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Nov 18, 2016 at 1:02pm PST

Koken met kids, geen sinecure!

Cooking with the family is important so that they get an early interest in what healthy eating is all about. But when you add two 10 month work experience kitchen hands to the mix who have minimum training and hygiene standards that would get a greasy kebab placed closed down, Jamie Olivers 15 minutes meals turn into Simon hooper’s 90 minute botch jobs. In the end you just chuck it all in and hope for the best. The likelihood is that it will get rejected by the discerning clientele anyway. Might as well just short cut the whole process and chuck the raw food directly into the bin. #masterchefiaint #sausageandchipsitis #worstworkexperienceever #ottieatearawgarlicwhole #whydowebother #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Nov 14, 2016 at 1:32pm PST

Een nieuwe wereld gaat open: vrouwen hebben echt de meest bizarre kledingstukken in hun kast hangen.

Being a guy surrounded by 5 women, I learn new things about the other sex all the time, but I recently has my man mind blown. @mother_of_daughters & I were out and I complimented her on her shirt. Little did I know, IT WAS A FAKE shirt that you wear under a jumper!!! When did women start wearing these & why?!! My whole world is falling apart – I can’t trust anything anymore! Also, why are women’s buttons on the other side of the shirt? I felt as clumsy as a drunk bear with frostbite while doing this thing up. (now, I just have to explain to my wife why I put this on and took a photo ASAP before she thinks I’m going through a ‘change’ and that my name is actually Simone at the weekend). #noimnotbeingachippendale #ifindthissostrange #womensfashion #fakeshirt #why #mindblown #fatherofdaughter #dadlife #instadad

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Nov 2, 2016 at 1:31pm PDT

“Ligt het aan mij of hebben alle mannen maar een strookje van 30 centimer in bed?”

Is it only me or do all men learn to sleep on an 8 inch strip at the edge of the bed? Irrespective of the size of the bed, or how many people are in it, I always find myself relegated to the ‘man zone’. I’ve become so used to sleeping on this limited area of bed real estate, that I’m confident that I could sleep on top of a wall & not fall off. On the other side of the bed (the promised land), @mother_of_daughters sleeps like a star fish all night long, kneeing me in the back and generally complains about me coming to bed too late, being too cold or my foot encroaching onto her territory. At least the bed’s nice and warm, even if the reception isn’t sometimes! I hope that next Sunday, on #NationalLieInDay, I’ll not only gain another hour in bed, but more space – but it’s doubtful ! If you want to regain that hour (and some space for that matter) click in the link in my bio, loads of great prizes to be won @SimbaSleep #bedrealestate #livingontheedge #girls #twins #daughters #therestoomanygirls #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #gopro

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 23, 2016 at 12:00pm PDT

Matching shirts. Papa is duidelijk ‘outnumbered’ tussen de meisjes.

Tomorrow is international day of the girl and I, more than most, am celebrating. I might be heavily outnumbered and outgunned, but I’m celebrating because my girls are strong independent young ladies that are growing up in a world that they can do anything they put their mind to (with a little encouragement). We strive for equality and see women as equals (and in my case, as superiors!). That said, in many places girls are seen as second class citizens and have limited opportunities to reach their full potential. This has to change. Go kiss your girls goodnight & encourage them everyday to reach for the stars. Tag a strong girl and share. #mygirlswearthetrousers #daughters #dayofthegirl #girlsareequals #girlsarestrong #sisters #mygirls #girlsareamazing #beproudofyoudaughters #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 10, 2016 at 12:39pm PDT

Leuk moment, die eerste tandjes!

Teething is now in full effect and the girls want us to know all about it. An email would have sufficed but it seems they’d rather use their voices to get the message across that they really aren’t enjoying this stage of development. Its not straight screaming, it’s more like the sound a wounded animal might make that just wants to end it all. I can’t blame them though, it’s like a mini scene from ‘Alien’ in there at the moment, just in very very slow motion (and of course teeth don’t then go on to kill you and the crew of your ship so a few subtle differences but essentially the same). #canyoubulkbuybonjela #teethinglikealien #twins #thisisntfunforanyone #doubleteethingisnotdoublethefun #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife #daddydentist

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Sep 21, 2016 at 1:06pm PDT

Shoppen met de meisjes

What do you get if you cross claires accessories with 4 girls, 2 of whom who have just drank a coke, and a tired dad? 10 minutes of dressing up followed by 20 minutes of trying to get them to leave. There’s just too many of them, you get one and the other sods off to hide in the hair bands – I can hear the giggling, I just can’t see them through the haze of pink and sparkles. At least i found the tiara i was after. I look Bangin’! #lostinhairbands #whydidweagreetocomehere #herdingcats #isuitatiara #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife #twins #pink #dontforgetdads

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Jun 13, 2016 at 12:34pm PDT